@netw3rk: so awkward when the bill for the wall comes out and no one reaches for it
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@pleatedjeans: [stands in church] Geese be with you [hands neighbor a beautiful goose] And also w/you [he hands me a different yet equally beautiful goose]
@TheGoodGodAbove: The only way Congress will ever pass common sense gun control is if they're threatened at gunpoint
@squirrel74wkgn: [dinner w/friends] "How long you two been married?" It's been thirt- (wife shaking head) teenish twenty- (still shaking) for a long time.