@netw3rk: so awkward when the bill for the wall comes out and no one reaches for it
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thenatewolf: Mom: I brought you into this world and I can take you out Me: Who taught you about laws, mom? Granny? Granny: I'm allowed to kill everyone
@dril: glorious crime spree after being fired from wal mart., expertly hopping fences, chugging all the seeds out of my neighbors bird feeders,
@T_N_Crumpets: [Supermarket] Me: QUICK, WHERE IS YOUR FROZEN SECTION Assistant: Aisle 7 Me: GREAT [opens trench coat and 6 penguins fall out] let's go guys
@stats_canada: 66% of Canadians were unimpressed with "The Revenant", or as it's known in Canada, "Pretty Average Day"