@semple42: So bored I just logged into my LinkedIn account.
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@wolfmannjr: Parents yelling "I'm not going to ask you again" at their kids, will definitely be asking them again
@fakedansavage: Donald Trump has Muslim friends, Rick Santorum has gay friends, Ted Cruz has imaginary friends. #GOPDebate
@topaz_kell: When I treat people the way I want to be treated, they get weirded out when I start brushing their hair.