@semple42: So bored I just logged into my LinkedIn account.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ehchino: [first date] I'm sorry, I fiddle when I get nervous "That's okay" Yeah.... *jams out epic fiddle solo for the rest of the date*
@radtoria: "Penguins mate for life. Isn't that romantic?" You open your mouth to answer but I spit my chewed up cake into it. "You're my penguin."
@KateWhineHall: Pro tip-If you bring a toy boat into a hot tub and repeatedly reenact the Titanic, in a few mins you'll have the entire hot tub to yourself.
@thepunningman: Dr: your father is real sick Woman: [sobbing] how long? [her dad wheelies past on a bmx] Dr: almost six yards that time