@LeonEarlgrey: So embarrassing when you compliment a lady on her large belly and it turns out she's just pregnant.
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@einsteinsexual: Stereotypes are just like regular types, except every time someone almost kills me, while I'm driving, it's an Asian person.
@HockeyTornado: Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
@shadygeekdad: When I know I've posted a great tweet, I walk away from my phone in slow motion like I'm Jason Statham walking from an explosion.