@LeonEarlgrey: So embarrassing when you compliment a lady on her large belly and it turns out she's just pregnant.
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@Bahstonlady: Babies make for the worst pets ever, I try to explain to all of the expectant mothers at the grocery store.
@Mr_Kapowski: I woke up angry this morning She doesn’t like when I call her that but I just call it like I see it
@StephenAtHome: Trump called Kim Jong Un a "smart cookie." That's crazy -- he reminds me more of a "murderous soft cheese."
@drinksmcgee: My kids are in Karate class and I'm just sitting here thinking that I could kick the shit out of half these 6 year olds.