@RobElliottComic: So everyone knows, it's frowned upon to yell "Hot potato" when someone hands you a baby and toss it back to them
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@philyuck: "Vodka martini. Shaken not stirred." "So just the normal way you make a martini then?" "That's right."
@GarryShandling: If you're head of the CIA and can't hide an extramarital affair it means it can't be done. Case closed, fellas.
@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: Can I have powder on my pizza? Me: You mean parmesan cheese? 4: I don't like cheese. I want powder Me: *Gives parmesan cheese 4: *Happy