@mommy_cusses: So funny how "go to sleep" and "do parkour" sound exactly the same to kids.
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@SortaBad: Every time I'm at a friend's house I look at the ceiling & say "You like to watch, don't you.." so I look cool if they have a hidden spy cam
@sarcasticmommy4: I tried that whole "if you love something, set it free" thing but my kids are still here.
@causticbob: What does a corpse and snow have in common? They are both cold and are hilarious to throw at unsuspecting children.
@CauseWereGuys: I farted while lifting a heavy object today. It was very embarrassing. I had to apologize to the man at the next urinal.