@mommy_cusses: So funny how "go to sleep" and "do parkour" sound exactly the same to kids.
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@nathandeschaine: Jurassic Park (1993): An old man with ungodly amounts of money doesn't have any common sense.
@dafloydsta: [therapy] "Where does your fear of spiders come from?" *flashback to Spider-Man trying to kiss me behind Applebees* They're just creepy okay
@Humor_Fetish: There's no human I hate more than the attendant in the bathroom at bars. Bro, I can handle this portion of my day ASSISTANCE FREE.