@Thing_Finder: So glad I don't subtweet like SOME PEOPLE.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: My wedding vows were until death do us part. Yet nowhere did they specify cause of death...
@Tmoney68: June 1885 - The Statue Of Liberty arrives in the U.S. in 350 pieces with no instructions. Future IKEA magnate: "That gives me an idea."
@Travon: The Queen is so afraid of how the vote will turn out, she put Sam Smith in a boat circling Scotland singing "Stay With Me" into a megaphone.
@SlabBaconBP: My son asked me what humble means. I told him it means pretending you're not better than everybody else.