@Thing_Finder: So glad I don't subtweet like SOME PEOPLE.
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@robdelaney: ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: “Holy shit that was amazing!” COMMENTATOR: “Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.”
@LosLos__: Interviewer: What is your greatest strength? Me: I have a nap for dealing with conflict. Intvr: Do you mean "knack"? *pulls out pillow*
@Playing_Dad: I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work