@Mwass_: So I had self diagnosed back problems and went to check out orthopedic mattresses. I would like to testify that the price tag healed me.
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@shutupmikeginn: I have sloth-like reflexes "Don't you mean catlike reflexes?" [several hours later] No
@hazelmotes1: On the Titanic 0 people died from alcohol poisoning and 1,500 people died from drinking too much water. You decide which is more dangerous.
@tiffaynay: Burger King employee: what size [drink] would you like? Me (thinking she said 'side'): fries. BK: What? Me: *more forcefully* fries.
@DionneMcNutt: Using Romeo & Juliet to express how inlove you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.