@dubiousgenius: So, I need an aquaculture licence to keep fish in a barrel and a firearms licence to shoot them. This is not as easy as I was led to believe
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@iinkedZombie: [after tee ball game] Wife: we brought snacks for the kids. Me: [w/ mouthful of food] we did?!
@donni: Strawberry is a terrible name. "Ooh, a berry with all the flavor of a straw," you'd think. But you'd be wrong
@Home_Halfway: Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home.
@FilthyRichmond: I wanna get in touch with those teachers who told me that I have potential, and be like, "Ha! I didn't amount to anything! In your face!"