@El_nacho_Nigre: So, if 4 out of 5 people suffer some medical condition, does that mean the other 1 person enjoys it?
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@notacroc: [date] HER: the last guy i went out with was as boring as a sack of potatoes ME: [gets up from table] my son is a potato
@stephenjmolloy: "Installing this app on a smartphone or tablet will mean everyone in the house can easily adjust the thermostat." Dads in unison: "Nooooo!"
@3sunzzz: [text] H: I'm at Lowes, how wide is the door frame? M: I measured, it's 35 and then 3 little lines after a big long line.
@daemonic3: Cop: Know why I pulled you over? I'm in a High Occupancy lane Cop: Yes...wait IS THAT A JOINT? Yeah I'm HIGH lol Cop: My bad, free to go