@yobrah_: So if you want to be sure your internet history is deleted, just whisper 'please delete my internet history' into any hole on the computer
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@awkwardphilippe: If you love someone, throw your earbuds at them. There's a good chance they'll be entangled in them and won't be able to run.
@Dschnoeb: I bet Egyptians were all like "Yo, nobody in history will ever worship and revere cats like we do" and then came the internet.
@RobDenBleyker: If a woman asks you to guess her age, always subtract 10 years from your estimate. IMPORTANT: Do NOT do this if she's in her early twenties.
@isabelzawtun: My mom: you're an adult and you need to start acting like one! Also my mom: what do you mean you don't want an Easter basket this year