@jonnysun: so im jus chilig on a ledge premtendig to be gargoyle when these firemen show up tellig me dont jump but they got a big trampoline so idk
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@BradBroaddus: My 10 yr old thinks I expect too much out of her. I told her we could discuss it when she gets home from work.
@murrman5: [having daughter's new boyfriend (who I think is a caveman) over for dinner] so dave, how is work? *lights candle and watches his reaction*
@_xLNc: My father once told me, "Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."
@Tylerosis: Facebook is where you'll find people sharing screenshots of sarcastic tweets and commenting "stupid".