@jonnysun: so im jus chilig on a ledge premtendig to be gargoyle when these firemen show up tellig me dont jump but they got a big trampoline so idk
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@ChrisRRegan: Oh, elderly neighbor: You defeated Hitler, yet you somehow can't figure out the car alarm?
@TheSadnesses: [first date] “So… you didn’t mention that you’re trapped in 230 million year old amber.” [my motionless eyes glint within my golden shell]
@Marlebean: "They say children learn by example, even for potty training." -I explain to my horrified neighbor as my son and dog poop on the lawn
@phxguy88: I get the feeling some of you have been told by others of you not to talk to me. This means war.