@LisaFarted: So I'm trying to get my husband to go to Paris with me but so far my best argument has been, "I will kill you in your sleep."
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@ruinedpicnic: some people want to be buried when they die. others want to be cremated. personally, I think I would like to be brought back to life
@JermHimselfish: It's amazing how eating such a small amount of dog food can cause such a large amount of concern from the people at the pet store.
@TheAlexNevil: Boss: What are you doing here on a Saturday?? Me (eating leftovers from fridge): ...reports.