@hatehug: So inspired right now.
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@click4amanda: Officer: "Do you know why I'm standing here?" Me: "You got all C's in High School?"
@SethMacFarlane: I wish I could explain to my cat that when I sneeze it doesn't mean the world is ending.
@KelgoreTrout: the easiest way to distinguish between their/there/they're is to remember that they are all different words
@thatdutchperson: [runs into friends with baby] Me: OMG WHO'S THIS LITTLE GUY. Friends:*picks up baby* wanna hold him? Me:*kneeled next to dog* what?