@GaryJanetti: So is the Pope like... single now?
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@kiel_phillips: DOCTOR: I think you have a curvature of the upper spine QUASIMODO: That a diagnosis? D: We need an X-ray to confirm. Right now it's a hunch
@stephenjmolloy: Teacher: Your daughter is doing so well at school we'd like to move her forward a year. Me: *whispering* oh my god they invented time travel.
@awkwardphilippe: If you love someone, throw your earbuds at them. There's a good chance they'll be entangled in them and won't be able to run.