@EliBraden: "So, is there a MRS. A-Z?" - Lady hitting on Jason Mraz
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@iliezabeth: REPORTER: how does it feel that ur tweet got like 0 favs? ME: it made me laugh so I dont think its so bad R: how does it feel 2 be wrong tho
@AndyAsAdjective: I want to congratulate you on learning the definition of abundance. "Thank you. It means a lot."
@rocknthepurple: 2yo's favorite cartoon is teaching him about centrifugal force. When I was little, my favorite cartoon taught me never to order from Acme.
@drinksmcgee: Coworker 1: I’m sick. Everyone stay away from me. Me: Yeah, everyone stay away from me as well. Coworker 2: Oh, are you sick too? Me: No.