@ShittyComedian: So it turns out that fat bearded man whose lap I was sitting on at the mall wasn't Santa. LOL drugs.
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@jwoodham: Find a way to dress up as "accidentally liking someone's Facebook picture from 2 years ago" and really scare people this Halloween.
@EndhooS: "Daddy, where do babies come from?" Show him Edna.. [mum stops slicing carrots] *starts violently gagging until a baby slides out her mouth*
@PaperWash: [calls work] I'm sorry I can't come into work today "is everything alright?" [getting owned in an argument on YouTube] no