@HatfieldAnne: So it turns out we were both wrong, but the important thing to remember is you were more wrong.
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@extranapkins: The jerk store called? But, that jerk store burned down ten years ago... on this very night
@OBiiieeee: "Dad why'd u name me this?" I named u after the greatest athlete to ever live "Oh ok" Now let's go, Air Bud, we're gonna be late for church
@stephenjmolloy: Me: Got my finger stuck in this beer bottle. Wife: How?! M: Just help me. W: Have you tried butter? M: It's delicious. Now will you help me?