@RadioShorty: So let me get this right. The guys on big bang theory are super smart scientific nerds, yet their elevator is broken?!
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@brendohare: I wear a 3-piece suit to bed in case someone breaks in & we have nothing to talk about. "Did you notice I'm wearing a suit?" "Yes"
@pleatedjeans: Wife: for the last time buy a terrarium Me: [drops 7 lizards into my shirt] why they already have a home
@mostunladylike: [Record Shop] Me: Hi, have you got anything by the Doors? Shopkeeper: No, we have to keep all exits clear in case of emergencies.