@Hellaphantitis: "So let's name the turtles after the most influential artists and their sensei we'll name after this lil piece of wood stuck in my foot"
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@david8hughes: [looks over neighbour's fence while he's in the pool] "Dude, we get it. You can hold your breath for [looks at watch] 19 days."
@slimmy_shady: SIRI, CALL FOR HELP! Searching for kelp. OMGYOU IDIOT! SIRI, GET AN AMBULANCE! There are 23 listings for lap dance in your area.