@Hellaphantitis: "So let's name the turtles after the most influential artists and their sensei we'll name after this lil piece of wood stuck in my foot"
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@Sean_Burgundy_: [1st date] Waiter: Can I get you a drink ma'am ? Me: Wow really bro right in front of me?
@HlaoRoo: Remember when you used Twitter to update friends & family on where you were, & what you were doing? Yeah, me neither.
@poe927: Her: You should drink in moderation Me: Moderation?You makin words up? H: You're gonna piss on my lawn again aren't you? M: ...In moderation
@SexytotheNorth: [First date] Me: What do you prefer, flat or sparkling? Him: Water? Me: No, my personality.