@Hellaphantitis: "So let's name the turtles after the most influential artists and their sensei we'll name after this lil piece of wood stuck in my foot"
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@Cherhole: There was a girl pushing an suv this morning while the guy steered. Feminists everywhere must be scissoring in victory.
@TwatWaffler69: I feel like landlords who don't allow dogs but DO allow children don't know very much about children.
@Reverend_Scott: [picks up hitchhiker] "Hope ur not a mass murderer. Haha" Actually I am. "WHAT" APRIL FOOLS! "Whew" I'm technically a serial killer.
@ramblinma: I accidentally told my kid I paid for a toy "that Santa brought" and now I'm stuck in an elaborate web of lies please send help.