@illiter8too: So many athletes thank god for their wins, but I want to see athletes who angrily curse god when they lose.
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@mrjohndarby: Cop: I have bad news. It's your son. You need to come down to the mortuary Mom: But…how? Cop: Maybe get a cab?
@loudmouth_usa: Him: Going to Taco Bell, want anything? Me: I'm just thirsty Him: What do you want? Me: Six tacos and a burrito
@gwatts77: Facebook people don't like Twitter because they need picture illustrations to understand the joke.