@jeremysmiles: So many homophobes turn out to be secretly gay that I'm nervous I'm secretly a giant spider
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@PaperWash: If your online dating profile says "I don't have sex on the first date" then that's why you're on a dating website.
@PinkCamoTO: *looks at calendar* *looks at stomach* *looks at calendar* Guess I'm telling people I'm pregnant again this summer.
@dril: so long suckers! i rev up my motorcylce and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement