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@Marlebean: So many pants.
So little yoga.
"Two long necks please"
Giraffe in the back: Wow. Did he just-
Giraffe's wife: Cliff, he didn't mean anything by it please sit down
@Tommytoughstuff: [dinner party]
*host clinks glass* "Everyone we're having a baby"!
*whispers to other guest* "Oh come on! I told them I was a vegetarian."
@JT_IV_: Men simply like to adjust their junk,
it's not pocket science.
@ibid78: Probably the hardest part about being a dj is when you get into a fight and you gotta hold your headphones up to your ear with one shoulder.
Me: "I OBJECT YOUR HONOR"
Judge: on what grounds?
"LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO"
Prosecutor: he's good
Judge: *slams gavel* case dismissed.