@Sarcasticsapien: So many people are worried that The Walking Dead could happen and I'm over here terrified that Idiocracy is actually happening.
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@tbhjustkoaIa: i love when people apologize to me about their rooms being dirty I’m just like lmao u should see my life
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Afraid to fly? It's perfectly safe except that air traffic controllers are all gov't employees forced to work the holidays. Merry Xmas.
@AnkCoupleTO: Her: Welcome to McDonalds sir, may I take your order? Me: *hands her a shovel with mouth agape* ALL. THE. FRIES.
@novicefather: Past employers have described me as "selfish, egotistic, condescending, the physical manifestation of capitalism, and a true sweetheart."