@envydatropic: So many people say "if my memory serves me correctly" and I'm actually quite shocked at the amount of servants named Memory.......
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@man_spach: [on a test drive] Me: Haha the heated seat feels like I peed my pants! Dealer: This car doesn't have heated seats. Me: Does it have napkins?
@PinkCamoTO: I think the elementary school music teacher was overly optimistic when she said we may recognize this next song.
@iwearaonesie: HR: Did you eat all the mints that were in my jar? me: No [some mints fall out of my mouth] HR: me: Yes [more mints fall out of my mouth]
@Brampersandon_: *Guy is rushed in on a stretcher* DR: what happened EMT: we found him passed out & seizing during a shrek marathon DR: WE'VE GOT AN OGREDOSE