@envydatropic: So many people say "if my memory serves me correctly" and I'm actually quite shocked at the amount of servants named Memory.......
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@thepamilerin: My mum entered my room &found me asleep. She Walked closer, caressed my hair & slapped my face saying 'ur last seen on whatsApp was 1min ago
@CodyJP9412: I don't always make pterodactyl noises, but when I do it's usually because I'm walking through a crowded aisle in Walmart.
@kelly_eberle: I spent 5 min. in the dark trying to get my charger in my phone. I'm embarrassed & I feel like I owe some dudes from high school an apology.
@TeaAndCopy: Me: Excuse me, where's the rowing boat equipment? Employee: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle. Me: … Employee: … Me: Or you'll what?