@LoveNLunchmeat: So many women brag about finding chips in their cleavage... But if you really want to impress a man, you pull out a meatloaf.
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@ImaFlyontheWall: Kid: Dad, a girl called me ugly, how long does ugly last.. Dad:Hey hun Mom:Yes? Dad: How old are you? Mom: 45 Dad:theres your answer kid
@TheBoydP: "Why put a baseball bat up when you can just lay it down on a stair in the middle of the stairway? What could go wrong?" ~My son apparently
@brynnester: [First Date] Her: My last boyfriend dumped my by text message! Me: *trying to impress* when I dump you I'll definitely do it face to face
@MelvinofYork: At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.