So me and my demons are gonna have a few bloody mary’s and see where the day takes us. Would you and your demons like to tag along?

@SomthinBoutSara: Just watched a guy in a shirt that read "Jedi I am" trip on a curb and fall. Jedi you are not sir

@TheSharona06: My mother is displeased with me. In other shocking news, water is wet and the sun is bright.

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@neiltyson: To tell you the truth, beginning a sentence with “To tell you the truth” throws into question all else you’ve previous said.

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@timdonakowski: *Searches “Yahoo” on Yahoo until Yahoo has an orgasm*

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@cwhudson: [at a loud bar] HIM: [yelling] DO U HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER THIS? HER: [also yelling] YES I DO ACTUALLY HAVE PLANTS THAT I KISS

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