@JElvisWeinstein: "And if all your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you make up a story about jumping off a bridge too?"-- Teen Brian Williams' mother

@EricaWhoToYou: *power walks to the refrigerator*

@imasmartass37: I caught someone stalking me so I stalked them right back. It got awkward sitting in the same tree staring at each other.

@The_JRM: 5yo: I dreamt I ate your brownie. Me: Wait, what happened to my brownie?? 5: Dreams come true.

@Mom_Overboard: A coven of witches with grandkids who call themselves the PentaGrans. Thanks for following.