@DCpierson: So much gross product placement in THE SHINING. It's like, fine, I'll buy an axe.
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@Sickayduh: [First date] Her: I'm really glad you asked me out yesterday in the park Me: *looking under table* you didn't bring your dog?
@WilliamAder: Whenever someone jokingly replies, "Blocked," I laugh and laugh and then go check.
@collinwithtwoLs: *cashier stares at obviously fake ID* you sure you're 3? *dog panics and runs out of the store barking*
@daemonic3: Here you go, Merry Christmas! "Dad, why'd you wrap our gifts in soft fabric?" Because I wanted to make- Mom: NO DON'T My presents felt