@pmclellan: So my drug dealer just died. I'm thinking about going to his funeral to, you know, network.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: 5's friend told him his mom makes play doh. Thanks Pinterest. I'm already expected to cook 3 meals a day, now I have to cook their toys too?
@markhoppus: Watching Riverdale with my son has afforded us important discussions like not to lie to the police when your twin brother dies mysteriously.
@pixelatedboat: COMMENCE ANNIHILATI... Sorry, wrong notes, that's tomorrow's speech. Here's the right one: You have nothing to fear from Project Omega ...
@SondraDeeMe: By the nervous look on his face I thought my boyfriend had an engagement ring hidden in his hand but it was just a stranger's bra. Whew.