@pmclellan: So my drug dealer just died. I'm thinking about going to his funeral to, you know, network.
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@Momtoteens: If you don’t wear a body wallet to bed with all your cash in it, you aren’t really raising teens.
@ch000ch: cops at DUI checkpoints should just check to see if u texted ur ex at some point throughout the night
@Lovestained555: My 5yr old eats chicken wings with the precision of a hitman cleaning his rifle.
@bornmiserable: "This race is over," said Donald Trump, referring to the entire human race if he is elected president.