@pmclellan: So my drug dealer just died. I'm thinking about going to his funeral to, you know, network.
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@3sunzzz: If you're giving me directions and you say, "Head north," I'm going to think you mean toward the sky.
@girl_a_whirl: The year is 2027. Voice to text is flawless. A young child points at a bird and says, "Duck". His mother slaps him.
@ScottLinnen: We have a ghost. Came home and found the fridge magnets rearranged: "I see dreadful people."
@Douchekevin: A 25 year old just told me she's gonna rock my world. I'm 47 so I assume she's gonna show me where to buy comfortable shoes & soft licorice