@Parkerlawyer: So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
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@elynnbarlow: Apparently in yoga when the instructor says, 'next we go into our downward dog,' it is frowned upon to make the 'bowchickabowow' sound.
@JohnLyonTweets: I'm sorry I lied, but in my defense, telling the truth would have had consequences and I hate those.
@theshamingofjay: When Bruce Banner gets constipated do you think he turns into the Hulk? - just one of the thoughts I have during important business meetings