@Brentweets: So nice of the Oscars to give this tribute to Selma then not nominate it for anything
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@roadsidephil: Saw a "Toby Keith's I Love This Bar" that went out of business. Apparently he was the only one.
@alispagnola: Facebook definitely needs to change their name. Pretty sure books aren't supposed to make you dumber.
@iwearaonesie: me *watches toddler push wife's work papers off the coffee table* wife *walks in* Who did this? me: Your stupid cat