@cornlog: So rude of Ashton Kutcher to file divorce papers right before Demi Moore's 150th birthday.
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@brandonIee: I have decided to leave my past behind me, so if I owe you money… I'm sorry, but I've moved on, and maybe it's time that you do too.
@OneFunnyMummy: The longer you're a parent the harder it is to act excited when people tell you they're pregnant.
@HeyZeus666: I could lose 120 pounds in less than a week, but apparently there's some kind of silly NewYork law against killing your ex.