@IntrepidDeviant: So she was like, "Put on some protection". I then pulled out & wore a yellow construction hat. We laughed & laughed & now I have herpes.
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@Parkerlawyer: My client's (soon to be ex) wife just flipped me off in the courthouse parking lot, so yeah, I'm obviously doing my job right.
@theresa_lauren: "Yes, I'm still single and underemployed, but at least I'm not MARRYING CHARLES MANSON" --women at family holiday gatherings from now on
@Smethanie: The Macarena began playing through the dental office speakers as I lied helpless with the hygienist's hands in my mouth today. #survivor