@JaneBadall: So sorry I hit a nerve. I was actually aiming for a major artery.
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@215potter: Thank god my brother's getting his PhD, I was running out of ways to disappoint my parents.
@jwoodham: People are always impressed to hear that I graduated from Harvard at 16, but you can do anything you set your mind to if you just lie.
@ClassicMegan: Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
@XGroverX: I don't know why smokey the bear carries a shovel, but it scares the shit out of me.