@SomeChrisTweets: SO SPEAKETH THE OUIJA BOARD, "N E W N U M B E R W H O I S T H I S"
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@slackerjorge: In store checkout behind beautiful woman in sleek black dress. She's buying tequila and a quart of motor oil. Sure like to know that story
@daemonic3: Mr. Trump, what will you do as President? TRUMP: I'll outlaw shredded cheese and only sell blocks Why? TRUMP: To make America grate again
@Brianhopecomedy: My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I'm proud of him, I doubt he'll make a lot of sales in the backyard.