@KKAlThani: "So tell me what you want, what you really, really want" - a hilarious waiter taking a Spice Girl's order
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@drhappyknuckles: Doctor: Ted, you're dying, Patient: My name's not Ted. Doctor (checking clipboard): Linda, you're pregnant.
@kashmir_lover1: Autocorrect changed Friend to Fiend but sleeping with a Fiend with Benefits is actually a little more exhilarating
@RidiculousSheri: My boyfriend has the body of a god! Or the body of God. Okay, he's like the body of Christ. What I mean is, he's a round white cracker.
@DirtMcTurd: "We have a new product, it washes hair but it needs a name" Shamcrap?! "Awful" Shampoop?! "Get out!" Shampoo? "Genius!"