@noog: So the ex texted me
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ranndrew: "Thats a killer dirt bike you've got, man!" *dirt bike holds a knife to your throat* Believe me...I know.
@bourgeoisalien: Fun prank: tell your kid World War II ended by the Americans dropping an F-bomb on Japan. Then later when his teacher calls, act shocked.
@SondraDeeMe: It may be autocorrect, but I'm excited to see how this plays out when I drive my friend to pickup her satan wedding dress.
@21stcenturysahm: I want to go back in time and find pre-kid me who thinks she is "so busy" and "so tired." And I want to smack her.