@noog: So the ex texted me
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@LeonHWolf: How do you explain this gap in your resume? "I was in jail." Okay. Sure you weren't working for Trump's campaign? "Swear to God. Jail."
@iheartgunts: I'm actually kind of handsome when you're drunk and the light is low and there's no other dudes around and you have low standards.
@CindyMeakin: Well, I'm going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.