@Chelsea_Elle: So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
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@DurtMcHurtt: This guy in my living room must think I'm an idiot, he says he picked my lock but I distinctly remember choosing it at the store by myself.
@QwertyJones3: "WHAT?? You ate the last of the cantaloupe?? This is the worst day ever!" Can you please stop being so melondramatic.
@decentbirthday: Isn't it weird that Greenland is icy and Iceland is where my wife moved when she left me
@Tmoney68: This baby at McDonalds may have started the screaming competition, but I guarantee I'm going to win it.