@STOPFLEXIN: So we asked papa johns to write a joke on our pizza
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@girl_a_whirl: [ER] *covered in blood holding eyeball Name? Stacy What's wrong? *nods to eyeball Looking at the chart, rate your pain I'm the winky face
@asanders1972: A 22 year old girl said to me "there's NO WAY you are 41" I put her in my pocket and took her home. She's mine now.
@SodomyClown: Fifty Shades of Grey instills that if a dude is sexy and rich you should allow him contractual ownership of your body because helicopters.