@STOPFLEXIN: So we asked papa johns to write a joke on our pizza
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@SortaBad: [karate tournament] coach: Billy sweep the leg! me in the crowd: haha hey billy vacuum his head! *Billy just wails opponent with a Dyson*
@Lamalover2: Are you surprised at life in general or is that just the way you plucked your eyebrows?
@1Happytwit: My ex told me that Gaga's "Bad Romance" song reminds him of me. Now I'm glad I dumped him. What sort of idiot admits to listening to Gaga.