@havingafatday: So what if I used a time machine to kill Hitler but arrived too late? And now he's alive and knows how to time travel? Would you guys be mad
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@kivtur: [How the rap feud started] Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party? 2pac: sure, no biggie Biggie[eavesdropping]: [wipes tears]
@Qckhd: Girlfriend kept nagging at me to put the toilet seat down. So here I am, crying in the middle of a field, with the seat & a shotgun.
@mishakey: If you stop at a yellow light I'm going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
@d2BMcG: I've not smoked weed in two year, during that time I've completed sooooo much ...................... drunk