@havingafatday: So what if I used a time machine to kill Hitler but arrived too late? And now he's alive and knows how to time travel? Would you guys be mad
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@iAmDelFreaky: Everybody at the party got upset when Baby Jesus turned the wine into breast milk.
@briangaar: Watching Home Alone. Did the family not have ANY friends they could call? "Yo we left our 8-year-old alone, can you get him & not call CPS?"
@salamingia: "Google, how long will my trip to Cleveland take? "Your trip will take 5 hours" "Google, I have a child. "Your trip will take 9 hours".
@TheMichaelRock: The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you're having a velociraptor.