@Token_Geezer: So, when does this adulthood thing start then?
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@WigCannon: "Can I see your ID?" Sure, it's... *lowers sunglasses* *raises them* *lowers them again* "What are you doing?" I don't know.
@CelebrityChez: Wow, what a day. I volunteered at a soup kitchen, caught up on my scrapbookin', went 2 baby shower, ran 9 miles, then told lies on twitter.
@YouWillGo2Hell: Every time you do a shot of tequila, an angel hi-fives a fairy and they agree to meet later to kick you in the head while you're sleeping.
@omgthatspunny: Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands. I love this joke because it never grows old.