@_SetTheHook_: So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
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@SirEviscerate: [Lab] Co-worker: "Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?" Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno.
@AlexvanBeek: It's 2035: By law, all burglar alarms are fitted with projectors so burglars are distracted by dancing Tupac holograms until police arrive.
@Home_Halfway: [Starbucks meeting] ME: Sorry I'm "latte" haha BOSS: Aren't you the guy we fired for biting a customer