@imence2: "So you think you can dance." should be the title of a Lifetime movie about strippers.
@shwood: You make a compelling argument, Morty.
@GerryDuggan: Let's vote the pool water off that celebrity diving show.
@ruinedpicnic: [a girl favs my tweet]
[goes to pharmacy]
one condom please
@preawsaurus: oh, internet, you didn't even exist when this happened to me. every weekend.
@Midgetspar: If someone ever asks you for advice just reply with "Buy a penguin". Imagine a scenario where that isn't awesome.