@kashanacauley: So you're all Obama fans now? Name 3 of his albums.
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@AndyAsAdjective: 7YR OLD: daddy, what does "despacito" mean? ME: slowly 7: ok…daddy……what……does……despacito...…mean?
@MikeMcNeil_: Maybe your dog is barking at my bag because he doesn’t want to work in law enforcement anymore.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [first karate lesson] Me: *entering dojo* BONSAI!!! Sensei: Do you mean 'Banzai'? Me: *just starts chucking little trees at Sensei*
@joshgondelman: The best argument for "the sequel is never as good as the original" is birds v. dinosaurs.