@moose_chocolate: "Sobbing" autocorrected to "throbbing" and now my attempt at showing my sensitive side has taken a very different direction.
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@ThaJawn: (Kid's Bday Party) Kid: Who are you? I'm you, from the future, don't eat that cake! K: *puts cake down, runs away crying *eats his cake
@LosLos__: My parenting book would be just a series of "Shhh" with different lengths and punctuation for various occasions.
@pixelatedboat: *Bashar al-Assad pulls the fake handshake/hair slick move on Trump* Dems: Yesssssss! Assad is bae now!
@iscoff: The reason Latin is a dead language is because they kept accidentally summoning demons during regular conversations