@moose_chocolate: "Sobbing" autocorrected to "throbbing" and now my attempt at showing my sensitive side has taken a very different direction.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: I did pretty well. I left with four kids, and I came back with four kids. Wife: The same four kids? Me: I'll be right back.
@Carmel_Coleman: I had a dream I was going to the zoo to throw poop at the monkeys. No, not my own poop, thats just gross. Poop I found on the way to zoo.
@TheToddWilliams: [high seas] FIRST MATE: The men be ready to attack PIRATE: Arr! FIRST MATE: Oh sorry...the men "are" ready to attack
@PJTLynch: Girl, are you Excel? Because I claim to know you but I'm probably oblivious to 98% of what you're able to accomplish