@Amburglar_: Sochi is doing that thing where they manically try to clean the house 10 minutes before company arrives. But the house is Russia.
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@TheJamieLee: Never understand when someone says, "cats are snobby." Like dogs are constantly inviting you & the kids over for burgers & a swim?
@EndhooS: Kid 1: Why'd you call me Aphrodite? "After the Greek goddess of love" Kid 2: What about me pop? "You're named after a famous chipmunk Alvin"
@louisvirtel: You can always predict what antigay protesters will say. But never how they'll spell it.
@OtherDanOBrien: Dentist: You don't have to floss all your teeth. Only the ones you wanna keep! *I start flossing his teeth* D: Um... Me: These are mine now