@NikkiGlaser: Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
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@TitansHomer: How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. *drops mic, gets beat by security*
@GingerHotDish: M: Bless me Father for I have sinned. P: You're not even Catholic. M: You don't want to hear what I did? P: Oh, I do. I've read your tweets.
@beefman138: I will never refer to 'drunk me' or 'sober me' because that implies the second one exists.
@Diversion50: I was on a search party in the forest last night. Bit of a boring party. We found a dead guy though.