@NikkiGlaser: Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
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@215potter: If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
@HallowedCrow: DEAR ENTIRE WORLD: LIGHTENING IS WHAT BLEACH DOES TO HAIR. LIGHTNING IS WHAT I'M GOING TO STRIKE YOU WITH FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST SPELLING.
@mattingebretson: I hate when a grocery clerk judges you for what you put on the checkout belt. I found that dead cat behind YOUR store & now I want to buy it
@o__0Dev: Getting out of bed in the morning always gave me a headache until I tried it feet first.