@Breadery: Social Life Status: My friends are balloons with faces drawn on them. Stuart. My best friend. Popped two days ago.
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@dyldonot: my girlfriend went to slip into something more comfortable six months ago which makes me wonder how comfortable you can possibly be
@matt___nelson: [Fear Factor] HOST: and the first contestant to touch the puppy in front of them will be sent home *camera pans to me already holding puppy*
@AlexRogaski: The difference between running and jogging is that runners compete in races and joggers find dead bodies on Law and Order
@Beesthegame: "Can someone call me a doctor?!" You're a doctor. "Please I'm losing my patience!" You're a terrible doctor.