@MikeZakarian: Social media allows me to review all my mistakes in chronological order...with pictures.
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@neiltyson: Exterminators: The only profession in which you put yourself out of business by being really good at your job.
@Nocturnesthesia: Went for a handshake and got snubbed. So I turned it into an impromptu Macarena dance, since I didn't wanna look stupid