@MikeZakarian: Social media allows me to review all my mistakes in chronological order...with pictures.
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@ParaJanitor: I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
@DaddyJew: "Daddy, how are babies made?" "Well son, when a man and a woman have too much to drink.."
@underrateDad: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 4,917 times and you're probably my kids.