@_youhadonejob: Social media explained.
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@ThisOneSayz: Me: babe, I don't mean to be THAT person but you breathe way too loud & I can't fall asleep. *Vader grabs a blanket & moves to the couch*
@gerryhallcomedy: When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don't tell them you need it by a certain date.
@QwertyJones3: [speed dating] I enjoy gardening. I've got a bit of a green thumb. Actually several of my fingers are discolored. I think I have diabetes.
@clemdytan: I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!