@_youhadonejob: Social media explained.
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@goldengateblond: College graduates look awfully happy for people who’ll never have an entire summer off again.
@awkwardphilippe: [clown interview] Why become a professional clown? me: [picturing getting hit in the face with cream pies every day] um I like kids
@rockymomax: [having sex] Me: Oh ya you like that? Her: Deeper! Me: [baritone voice] OH YA YOU LIKE THAT?
@OfficeofSteve: Moving is a lot more fun when you make the Movers carry you on top of the mattress like an Egyptian pharaoh