@OhNoSheTwitnt: Social media is great. Before Facebook I'd never know what the girl who wrote "dirty Jew" on my 8th grade locker was thankful for this year.
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@abbycohenwl: Don't do anything rash - inept doctor trying to keep a skin eruption from spreading
@zachreinert03: Audrey Hepburn probably has my favorite last name that combines an STD and a symptom of an STD
@7_Cents: Good Cop: *reaches for his gun* Intimate Moment Cop: *reaches for the same gun and their hands touch*
@CornOnTheGoblin: [magicians backstage] don't panic guys but I think we really just sawed that woman in half