@OhNoSheTwitnt: Social media is great. Before Facebook I'd never know what the girl who wrote "dirty Jew" on my 8th grade locker was thankful for this year.
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@jonnysun: crime tip: secretley grease a cop's butt befor a car chase so when he slides acros the hood he'll slip off & keep on slidimg down the street
@IamTMoS: I asked mom once how she knew dad was "the one". "because," she replied, "DNA tests don't lie."
@TheAlexNevil: 7: I'm thinking of a number between 1 and a thousand million Me: Thats great! *I walk away
@Home_Halfway: Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I'm describing him.