@OhNoSheTwitnt: Social media is great. Before Facebook I'd never know what the girl who wrote "dirty Jew" on my 8th grade locker was thankful for this year.
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@heidiknits: Just had a 9 minute argument with The Boy over why he needs to change his underwear this morning. Don't forget your birth control, friends.
@BigBagOfScum: All my Facebook friends are starting to have kids. Better deactivate my acct. before they try to guilt me into liking pics of their aliens.
@UnFitz: [speed dating] Me: Periods. Her: Huh? Me: Do they go inside the quotation mark or outside? Her: In the US or the UK? Me: Let's get married.
@capricecrane: Accidentally walked into the men's room so I just went ahead and used the urinal so it wouldn't be awkward for anyone.